Apologies
by ScareGlow
Summary: After the destruction of Sunnydale, Faith has a talk with Xander that's been long overdue. R&R please!


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters (unsurprisingly), and I do not earn anything with this story (except hopefully a few reviews).

AN: This takes place after the end of the series. If I have time and motivation, I might turn this into a longer story, but for now, it exists as a one-shot. I hope you'll enjoy:)

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Faith sat cross-legged on the bed in her room, thinking. If someone had told her a few years ago that she'd be living in the same house as Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Xander, Giles, Andrew and a couple of slayers, she'd have either laughed or flipped them the bird. Now it was reality, even though soon a lot of them would leave. It had been several weeks now since the destruction of Sunnydale, and for her, these weeks had been almost as intense as the fight against the First Evil. She had had long talks with Buffy, Willow, Dawn and Giles. She had never been good at talking, especially if it included apologizing, but it was part of her quest for redemption, and she knew she needed it. Those talks had been long overdue.

The talk with Red had been the easiest; the witch had gone psycho herself and therefore had forgiven her pretty quickly. Pipsqueak had been more difficult; she was still very protective of her family, but in the end had agreed to give her another chance. G had given her a long talk about what he'd been like during his time as 'Ripper' and then forgiven her almost as quickly as Red, saying something about seeing the change in her. B had been strangely serene during their talk, which had been somewhat unnerving, but they'd made their peace after several long hours of talking. Faith still couldn't believe that B had actually forgiven her in the end.

While Faith was immensely grateful and happy that she'd been able to repair at least some of the damage she'd caused during her rampages in Sunnyhell, there was still one person on her list of people she needed to talk to: Xander Harris. Ironically enough, of everyone on her list, the one-eyed carpenter was the one she was most afraid of. She had scolded and laughed at herself for that, but she couldn't help it. The least powerful or dangerous of them all, the 'one who sees', was the one who had tried to help her the most back in the day, and for that alone she respected him greatly. Add to that that he'd fought the good fight for seven years without any supernatural power of his own, not even letting the loss of his eye keep him from the final battle, and her respect for him had grown to enormous proportions. Faith had met many guys in her life, but Xander Harris was one of the most special guys she knew, completely unlike all the others, and she couldn't help but yearn for his approval. That was what made her so afraid: She could have handled rejection from B, Red, G or Pipsqueak, knowing that she more than deserved it, but she knew she wouldn't be able to deal if X rejected her.

Then there was another reason that kept her from talking to him: The few times she had seen him since their departure from what used to be Sunnydale, he had appeared to be in an almost zombie-like state, with little to no emotion showing. Xander had secluded himself from the rest of them, and it worried her. X had never been one to keep to himself; he was a group person. He liked to talk to people, to be in the company of others, but now he left his room only when absolutely necessary.

She knew Red hat tried to talk to him, as had Pipsqueak. She also knew they'd failed. Giles had been rather busy, having several long talks himself, most of which with Buffy. The senior slayer herself had made one half-hearted attempt to speak with him, one which Faith had accidentally witnessed, but Xander had blocked it quickly. The flicker in Buffy's eyes had told Faith everything she needed to know: B felt responsible for Xander's injury, and his quick dismissal had made her feel like he blamed her, too. The sad thing was Faith blamed herself for it as well. Xander had been part of her team, and she should have made sure that everyone of her team was out of the vineyard before retreating herself. She hadn't done that, and Xander had been caught by Caleb when he saved Kennedy, because that's Xander: always thinking of the others first. And for that, he had paid with his left eye.

Faith felt her eyes grow moist at that thought and angrily wiped at her eyes. Why Xander? Of everyone in Sunnydale, he was the only one without a dark past: Giles had been Ripper, Willow had gone evil, Spike had been a soulless demon, Dawn had been a thief (although she was still pretty close to Xander in the innocence ranking), Andrew had been evil of sorts, Anya had been a vengeance demon, Buffy had made her mistakes and been a selfish bitch, she herself had gone bad and worked for evil… but not Xander. He'd been the one keeping the group together, helping out wherever he could, lightening the mood with his antics; he'd been the heart. It just wasn't fair that with all the people that would have deserved being mutilated like that, it had been him to get grabbed by Caleb when he was the one who really didn't deserve it. And now he spent all his time in his room, alone.

"You should try talking to him."

Faith gasped in surprise. Dawn had managed to enter her room without her noticing.

"Pip! Almost gave me a heart attack there!"

Dawn seemed unfazed and didn't reply.

Faith sighed. "I don't think he'd wanna see me…"

"Doesn't matter." Dawn's voice was flat. "We've all tried, so now it's your turn. You owe him."

Faith raised an eye-brow, trying to make light of the situation. "Check out General Summers here!"

"I'm serious, Faith. I seem to remember that a few years ago, he went to talk to you when he had no reason whatsoever to do so. He was a normal guy going to a slayer, had no idea how you would react, and you know what? He didn't hesitate for one minute. The least you can do is go to him now. I mean, it's not like he could strangle you."

That comment hit home instantly, and Faith's brow furrowed. 'Yeah, he can't strangle me,' she thought, 'but he can do just as much damage.' She didn't say that, of course. It was time to face the music. "Alright, I'll go. But don't get your hopes up, Pip."

-

After several knocks and a muffled "come in", Faith slowly opened the door to Xander's room.

"X, you have a minute?" she asked in a voice that was bordering on timid.

The man she'd come to visit looked up from his desk. "What is it, Faith? Something needs fixing?"

She gave a half-shrug. "I guess, in a way, you could say that."

He heavily got up from his chair. "Let me get my tool belt."

"No, no, wait," she stopped him nervously. "Nothing like that. Xand, I need to talk to you, if that's okay with you." Since when did she do the shy thing?

He took his seat again and motioned for her to continue.

'At least that's more than he offered B,' she thought. Clearing her throat, she carefully sat down. "Actually, I've wanted to talk to you ever since I came back to Sunnyhell, but with everything going on… Oh, screw that! I was a chickenshit!" She took a deep breath and continued very quickly. "Look, I really wanna say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for screwing you like I did, for choking you that other night and most of all for not taking you seriously. We could've been buds, but I fucked it up, and I really regret that."

There was a moment's pause after that, but finally, Xander asked. "Is that all?"

It was the neutral tone of the question that sent a shiver down Faith's spine, but she soldiered on.

"Actually, no. I also wanna apologize for your eye. If I'd been a better group leader, I would've been there when it happened and maybe could've done something. And I'm sorry for not visiting when you were in hospital, but I thought you wouldn't be too happy to see me. And…" She actually hesitated for a second. "And I'm also sorry for your loss. I know the feeling, and you're the last person who deserves it."

"You seem to be sorry about a lot of things," Xander remarked in the same neutral tone of voice he'd used before.

Faith shrugged. "When you've fucked up so badly, you have a lot to be sorry for." She sighed. "Look, I know I can't undo the shit I've done. I'm not even sure I can make it up somehow, but –"

She was stopped by Xander's raised hand.

He let his arm sink down slowly, fixing her with an unreadable look, before he finally spoke, but when he did, his sincerity showed. "Faith… I don't really know where to begin. First of all, don't feel responsible for this." He pointed toward his eye-patch. "I always knew the dangers of what we did, and I accepted the risks. Could you have been there? Probably. Could you have changed anything? Hardly. We were retreating because we didn't stand a chance, so don't beat yourself up over that. As for the hospital visit: Everyone was needed back at Buffy's house. The only reason Will could be at the hospital was to make sure no one got attacked there." He took a deep breath. "But I guess the more important thing is what happened the first time you were in Sunnydale…" There was another pause; he was obviously steeling himself for what he was about to say next. "Faith, I think we failed you just as much as you failed us."

Faith's eyes grew wide at this announcement. "What?" she asked, slack-jawed.

He nodded, looking at the floor, unable to meet her eyes anymore. "We knew that you lived in that crappy motel, but we didn't do anything about it. You were younger than us, but we didn't care about what you did all day. I mean, we knew you'd dropped out of high school, but we just ignored all that. When I came to talk to you after the accident, it was way too late. I should've been there before, then maybe I could've reached you, but I wasn't."

"Xander…" Faith interrupted him, her voice breaking. She was the one who'd messed up everything, and now he was taking all the blame away from her! She'd come to apologize, and now he was the one doing it! She was openly crying now, but didn't care.

Xander, however, didn't let her interruption stop him; looking up and in her eyes, he went on. "You were in a bad place, Faith, a place we if not helped to create at least helped to maintain. As friends, we should've been there for you, and I'm very sorry we weren't."

At that, she launched herself into his arms, pulling him into a tight hug. "It wasn't your fault, Xan, believe me, it wasn't," she whispered, more tears flowing.

He softly stroked her hair, and they didn't speak for a while.

When Faith had calmed down a bit, she finally let go of him. "So… does that mean you forgive me?" she asked tentatively.

For once, he didn't rely on jokes or buffoonery when he answered. "Yes, I do, and I hope you can forgive me, too."

Another sob escaped her lips. "Of course I do!"

For the first time since Sunnydale, Faith saw a real smile on Xander's face, a smile which she gladly returned before hugging him once more. After another few moments that passed in silence, Xander spoke up again.

"So, what do you say we try the whole "buds" thing once more?" he asked.

She didn't break the embrace when she answered. "I'd love it."


End file.
